Dogma-Tism The Latest Lifestyle Craze, Woof, Woof!

After residing 74 years on planet earth and having so many ups and downs, round and rounds, I have come to the conclusion the life of reasonably sane, non-mega-rich Homo-Sapiens sucks. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, after studying and observing our dear, canine, furry friend with 4 legs, who we adopted after she was saved from a life scavenging for food on the streets of Bangalore, India, I decided to change my lifestyle completely and create a brand new way of confronting the daily problems most humans have to deal with, it's called

Dogma-Tism.

Are your curious to learn how this new lifestyle could benefit and change the sad pathetic lives of the majority of the human race? Please read on.

Here we go;

Dogma-tism commences by basically copying the morning requirements of our canine friends. They go for walkies with their masters or mistresses to relieve themselves leaving their waste where they feel is suitable, and are not required to remove it, nice one, humans do it for them, woof. woof! Humans should go for walkies to, but not relieve themselves wherever they desire, a slight difference to canine habits, yes, but nevertheless a great way to start the day. We humans do our business on a potty, that is acceptable, but that is where the difference should end because after our canine friends return from their morning walk they stand and stare silently demanding their breakfast to be served. I have adopted this wonderful habit and my wife now serves my breakfast, and to keep a level playing-field, when she takes our doggy for a walk in the morning, I make her breakfast, get it? Canine equality.

Phase two: After breakfast I leap on the sofa into my designated area, and sleep, rest, and dream until midday when my wife treats me to a snack, just like our doggy demands, then I go back to sleep until it is time for my evening walkies. The need to relieve myself before leaping into bed is a natural process, I do it on the bog, our doggy is taken out for a walk, sniffs and pees the whole time, dumps her load wherever she feels comfortable, returns home for a good night's sleep, and her day ends totally satisfied and happy. I have copied this canine lifestyle, apart from pooping anywhere I feel comfortable with, the bog is okay, and believe me, I have never felt better!

Okay, now and then our doggy needs a bit of sporting activity which we provide; throwing tennis balls so she can run after them and proudly deliver slimy tennis balls at our feet demanding we pick it up and throw it again and again until she gets bored. I asked my wife to practice this canine Olympic Sport with me, she refused, so I purchased a boomerang, it works just the same. And after my sporting activity ends, I trot back to the sofa, where my wife has placed a can of beer, I down it, and go to sleep again exhausted. We take turns being an equal pair and sharing everything, however, she prefers reading a book instead of chasing a boomerang, so I just provide her with a glass of Chardonnay before her eyes grow heavy and sleepy time arrives.

Benefits of this wonderful lifestyle: It is dead cheap, there is no need to rush around shopping centers or order from Amazon, one only needs a cosy sofa, a pair of decent walking boots, a winter and rain coat, food and drink, wooly blanket for the sofa, a boomerang import from China, a stock of Chardonnay, used tennis balls (now that is really going too far), and basically nothing else apart from a TV, maybe, but then again who needs that these days, our dog does not. A car is not necessary because dogs can't drive, so why should we?

So there you have it, a guide to the greatest lifestyle man can offer his best friend, and the greatest life our canine friends can offer us by simply copying them.

Cat lovers might disagree to this canine lifestyle and prefer a feline version, sorry not for me! Spend nearly all day looking for mischief, breaking flowerpots, ripping up curtains, climbing all over the house, scratching anything that looks scratchable, have a catnap in between all of these strenuous activities, pooping and peeing in a box! No thanks, give me the canine version any day!

Oh this is the life, ZZZZZZZZZ!