Bertie Wooster and his Infamous butler, Jeeves, journey to Harrods, London, for a quick shop.

I recently had a visit from those aristocratic rascals (well one is) in the dead of the night whilst dreaming about purchasing a famous Harrod's Christmas Hamper (you wish) and guess what? They decided to tell me about their recent shopping adventure to Harrods in Bertie's 1924 Rolls Royce, and here is what they divulged to me:

Bertie; "Jeeves old bean what on earth is that awful pong floating across Knightsbridge?"

Jeeves: "Sire, I believe it is coming from the Royal Park, Hyde actually, it looks like some dastardly illegals have pitched their tents there."

Bertie: "By golly Jeeves, what are the doing here? In our day they would have been put to the sword or thrown to the lions!"

Jeeves: "Sire, that was then, this is 2025, I believe, and these people seem to have the right to pitch their tents anywhere in London, especially in our beloved Royal Parks, I believe King Charles is quite disturbed, and only enters Harrods via the tradesmen's entrance to avoid the pong."

Bertie: "Dear Jeeves old chap, this is scandalous! And where do they do their business, you know, their hygienic business?"

Jeeves: "Certainly not in the marble toilets inside Harrods, God forbid, they just do it like Queen Lizzie's Corgis once did, in the park, but they do not have a butler to pick it up, so it remains in the bushes Sire and it obviously pongs."

Bertie: "By golly Jeeves, that is revolting old bean, and that is obviously why it pongs so much! And what is the London Mayor doing about it? Is that shabby rascal Boris Johnson still the Mayor?"

Jeeves: "No sire, I believe they have replaced him with a 'Lame Duck' version who prefers to ignore the dreadful situation."

Bertie: "Damn it Jeeves, tell our chauffeur to head for the Tradesman's entrance, I do not wish have that pong stuck up my nose while ordering our Christmas goodies, and as soon as we are finished in Harrods, take me to the Palace, I wish to have a few hefty words with this puppet King, Lizzy would never have tolerated these people desecrating her Royal Parks, disgraceful!"

Jeeves: "Yes Sire, but I fear King Charles prefers to give Royal Orders to multi-millionaire, tattooed footy players these days, and ex-Spice Girls, and prefers to avoid the pongs floating around our once great city apart from his annual visit to Harrods!"

Bertie: "Jeeves old Bean, let's get back to the roaring twenties before this modern world turns into a 'apocalyptical pong show!'

Jeeves: "Certainly Sire, could not agree more, chauffeur, head to Harrods rear entrance and keep the windows closed."

I have decided not to go to Harrods this year, instead I will order my Harrods Christmas Hamper via Amazon!

The Future of a once great global Metropole, it stinks!

The oh so long gone, no-pongy aristocratic past, how delightful old bean!