The annual Spanish tomato throwing festival, La Tomatina, has been cancelled this year as a sign of solidarity to 'muy pobre' Brexit Britain. Millions of Spanish tomatoes usually thrown at thousands of tomato-throwing 'nutters' are being saved and resold to English supermarkets to save the English eat-loving tomato fraternity from having to eat indigestible, homegrown parsnips, and other typical English veggies, including non-EU 'Brussel Sprouts', Made in England, of course, instead of delicious, juicy red tomatoes from EU countries.
English PM, Richi Sunak, told Ursula von der Leyen, in a meeting supposed to solve the ancient problems of Northern Ireland belonging to the UK, but desperately in need of EU products to stop their shelves getting emptier and emptier, "Ursula, darling, I just love your tomatoes, can we do a deal; you get English parsnips, and we get EU tomatoes," she flatly refused and told him to concentrate on Boris Johnson's Northern Ireland's non-existent 'red lines' and not 'red tomatoes!
Spain, a most sympathetic nation, has decided to offer Tesco, Sainsbury, and other Brit supermarkets lorry loads of non-squashed tomatoes before tomato-throwing maniacs get their hands on them, and in return demand ex-pat Brits moaning and groaning about living in their wonderful sunny country be repatriated to freezing cold, wet and rainy England to make way for EU residents who adore their EU freedoms and, the beautiful sunshine!
In addition, England must agree to allow African Illegals flogging cheap watches to sell their counterfeit products on the streets of London, Manchester, and Birmingham, instead of plaguing oligarchs and rich Russian tourists escaping Putin's madness!
The first load of Spanish tomatoes will appear on Aldi and Lidl English shelves (German owned) as a sign of EU solidarity and a 'kick in the butt' to English Brexiteers forced to purchase their beloved tomatoes, in their beloved England, just to remind them how wonderful the EU is, or was!
PS: A special EU tariff has been arranged, 25% above the price paid in EU countries!
Spanish tomato-smashers are happy to offer their tomatoes to salad-eating-starving Brexiteers instead of 'slamming' them at each other. In addition, the local council is 'muy contento' because they don't have to clean the 'Ketchup' up!
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