The master of Brit aristocrat literature, P.G.Wodehouse has once again picked Jaggedone's deluded brain to give his fab audience the latest from beyond the royal graves. Lord Bertie Wooster and his infamous butler, Jeeves, have been calling, not via a medium, but direct, and feel it is necessary to zoom into 2024 with their latest aristocratic updates, now please listen in...:
"Jeeves, old Bean, it was so nice having Lizzy and Philip to dinner the other evening, they seem so happy together now they do not have to hide behind the walls of Windsor Castle and sing that dreadful anthem, it really is quite nauseating and needs 'hipping up' don't you think?"
"Yes Sire, Coldplay could rewrite the anthem, it was quite an experience especially when Queen Liz outed her opinions about the new King and his pretender to the throne, that Camilla lady."
"Golly Jeeves, yes that was quite a shock old Bean, and how she was ever allowed to follow Lizzy to the throne is beyond me, but ever since Brexit our wonderful nation has slipped into a non-important role as subordinates of America, so we aristocrats must accept a pure commoner sitting in Westminster Cathedral with Lizzie's crown on her head. Charles has really let the royal side down, and as for Harry and William, well how common can one get?!"
"Yes Sire, the days of good old fashioned royalty have vanished ever since Lizzy, bless her wooly socks, left the palace. Sire, by the way, you have received an invitation to play golf with that bounder and President-Elect Trump, he wishes to brush up his tarnished image and celebrate pulling 'Tweed Wool Over the Yanks Eyes' once again after they re-elected the rascal by flouting with Brit royals, and you have been invited too!"
"By golly Jeeves, has that rascal duped the Yanks once again, they are just so gullible old Bean, well I never, where is the golf game being held?"
"On his private golf course in Scotland, and you Sire must dress for the occasion, in a kilt, he and his cronies will all be dropping their pants, I hope the wind does not blow too hard, spare me the thought, and he is expecting all participants to drop their pants too."
"Damn it Jeeves, that's quite a demand, but if he pays me a royal fee I will be willing to don my kilt and leave my designer Harrod's undies here, who else will be there?"
"Sire, I do believe he has invited that Russian scoundrel, President Putin, he just loves showing off his 'privates' to the world, and of course Charles and Camilla too. Camilla will love observing you all putting, bending over, and picking up your lost balls!"
"Oh Jeeves, you are quite awful, I have heard old Putin has quite a pair of huge 'clangers' dangling, well that's what he keeps telling the world, as for Charles, well, it's no wonder Camilla will be touting her binoculars. By the way old bean, will you be my caddy, and who will Charles, Trump, and Putin have carrying their bags?"
"Sire, I do believe Trump has asked Obama, but he refused and suggested Prince Harry who immediately agreed as long as he and his lovely wife were invited to the inauguration in the White House. Harry will do anything to be loved, even write a nonsensical book. As for Putin Sire, he asked President Zelensky to carry his bags, he also refused unless Putin withdraws his troops from pounding the Ukraine to death, so Netanyahu offered his services as long as Trump agrees to rid the world of those poor 'Untermenschen' in Palestine, he agreed. Charles has decided to ask ex-Brit PM, Boris Johnson, who jumped at the offer after being sent into political exile hoping carrying Charles's golf bags would speed up efforts to rid him of his buffoon image and allow him enter public life again as a 'Court Jester to the Crown!"
"By golly Jeeves nothing seems to change over there ever since old P.G. sent us to beyond the grave."
"No Sire, it certainly does not, and by the way, for the evening ball, the dress code is Lederhosen, Made in Deutschland, and Bavarian hand-made dirnen for the damen. I do believe old Oswald Mosley left his pair in our mansion after that naughty escapade with those Peaky Blinder Rogues, I'll dust them down for you."
"Excellent Jeeves, what would I do without you? But be careful of those skeletons in my closet they might come alive."
"Oh Sire, do not worry, ours have turned to dust a long time ago, but Trump's and Putin's might still be hanging in their closets. Adolf has excused himself from 'Trump's Royal Bash' he only has 'one ball' dangling and is too ashamed to show the world so he decided to concentrate (not concentration) on implementing his political skills into the AFD in Germany."
"You bounder Jeeves, you always have a pun to end our fun from beyond the grave."
Comments