What a fantastic week of wonderful positive news to hit the globe once again, in fact, Jaggedone is so 'over the moon' he just purchased ten bottles of whisky and nicked a hundred sleeping tablets from his insomniac mother-in-law!
So, People, let us see what 'shit is hitting the fans' this week!
Sabre rattling between Putin, Ukraine, NATO, Biden, Germany, and last not least a worthless UK, PM, BOJO, at 40 paces! And the only sword that can be seen is the 'Sword of Damocles' hanging over the heads of innocent Ukraine people stuck in their bogs freezing their butts off waiting for the 'shit' to go down (literally)!
UK PM squirms his way out of illegal Cheese and Wine parties at Nr10 while hundreds died in NHS Hospitals, but who gives a fuck? Boris Johnson certainly does not as long as he remains PM until somebody relieves the nation by putting him out of our misery, a duel with sabre rattling duel with Putin would suffice!
Storms batter the UK and Europe and BOJO thanks the heavens that the Brit tabloids have something else to write about!
Manchester United win at last and Ronaldo dances out of tune with his latest celebration on his knees in front of his adoring fans. Footy mad kids all over the planet are now copying Ronaldo and kiddies doctors have been inundated with kids and their bloody knees, their mothers are not so happy because holes in the jeans are inevitable, but at least they are 'IN' again thanks to Eminem on his knees at the Super-Bowl, the only interesting thing to happen there after three hours of utter US boredom!
A live televised wrestling match between Angela Jolie v Brad Pitt would have made a much more interesting spectacle than the boring Super-Bowl, especially now they are 'cage fighting' ,'ripping each other's eyes out', and demanding legal rights over a vineyard they both purchased used for their fabulous wedding which turned into sour-grapes, but at least the wine was nice!
French troops are leaving Mali along with their German allies leaving the back-door open for even more 'muy pobre' Africans to spend their last cents on a wonderful holiday trip to the 'Lands of Milk and Honey' the EU and UK. However, nobody told them about Brexit, and they could find themselves in massive traffic jams waiting for a rowing boat to ferry them across the channel. Hopefully, Storm Eunice has smacked the EU by then so Johnson can blame them if thousands drown in the Straits of Calais! He is so clever that cad Johnson, he will orchestrate anything, even a storm in a teacup, so he can blame the EU, and keep his filthy, corrupt hands pristine clean!
Good news for the Brit economy according to the biggest bum-licking-scum-bag tabloid in the UK, the Daily Express (I do believe that Mogg Chappy owns the majority of shares with Farage together, they are so 'queer'). However, a thousand stranded truck drivers stuck in jams on the M25 or M2 in front of Dover can only read the Warsaw Gazette and cannot understand that the fuck the Daily Express is bollocking on about. In addition, exporters of British Cheeses to the EU beg to differ because their cheeses are stuck in jams on the back of Polish, Romanian, Latvian lorries attempting to get a ride on a French ferry! Plus, automobile production in the UK is at a standstill because JIT (Just in Time) parts are stuck on the back of lorries hoping eventually to get their new paperwork cleared and reach European/Japanese car manufacturers plants in the UK before the rats take over! Is that Rees-Mogg bounder a rat too?
Last not least, the best news of the week!! Prince Andrew, renowned paedophile, has got off Scot free in the US because he struck a mega-million deal with the under-aged lassie who he whipped her knickers off, but didn't, or did he? Anyway, who the fuck cares, he is borrowing £12 million nicker (not the stringy ones she wore) from his mummy, Queen Lizzy, who knows sweet fuck all about the scandals surrounding her less favourite son because Charles is taking care of Royal business from now on and is mega-experienced in Royal sex scandals himself!
Have a momentous week you lovers of pure, utter pristine satire hitting the Jaggedone Juggernaut (stuck in a lorry jam between Calais and Dover) and his merry bunch of loyal fans, his mongrel mutt, and Volga Olga, an 85-year-old- Russian-Nymphomaniac, presently employed by Russian troops wanking off on the Ukraine border, and sadly, too old for a bit of slap and tickle with Brit royalty!
Adios Amigos!!!
OK, if you believe in this shit, you will believe in any shit, so just believe Jaggedone's Crap as it hits his fans! LMFBO!
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