What with Trump being found guilty of so many felonies I cannot even count them on my fingers and toes. Biden's son being found guilty of possessing a firearm while under the influence of crystal meth, heroine, cocaine, and anything else the Mafia could offer to keep him high. Plus a farce of a UK General Election between a 'Nazty Nazi' called Farage, a dead-duck, multi-millionaire Conservative PM called Sunak, and a Labour leader acting like Mother Teresa; brilliant tabloid hyena headlines!
In addition, Putin offering peace to the Ukraine as long as Zelensky bows to his demands, like, "give me half of your nation otherwise I'll blow the rest of the Ukraine to smithereens and, don't dare jump in bed with NATO otherwise I'll drop a couple of nukes on London, Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, and eventually the White House if my decrepit rockets can reach that far?" (Maybe he'll ask Kim Jong to do it instead!) Moreover, let's hope we can forget the Gaza slaughter for month too!
These are just a few of the 'horrific headlines' devouring the world's attention as they look on, and think, "shit, it's all over, well it is now," (Google it: 1966 historical TV footy commentary comment from Wembley) and now we continue the theme, our saviour has arrived in Germany!
Yes!! We will have positive 'headlines' to peruse over for the next month; the footy Euros 2024 are about to take our minds off all the global political bullshit so we can concentrate on The Tartan Army, dressed in drag (they call them kilts in their part of the world) peacefully pissed and rolling over Munich (but not in a 'gay way'). Serbian Hooligans kicking the shit out of English, once highly respected, 'nummer eins', hooligan mob on the planet, now gone soft compared to hooligan Serbian barbarians, and East German wannabe Nazis joining in the fun by kicking the crap out of non-nazis, and anybody else who does not raise their right arms when Germany win their games (a Jesse Owens analogy that one)!
In between all the footy action; a guaranteed demolishing of German 'watering holes', knocking down a few statues commemorating German history (are there any? Yep, The Pied Piper of Hamlin) the 'beautiful game' will be played with multi-millionaire footy players, not kicking the shit out of each other because of VAR, but surrounded by a 100000 German police force just in case a couple of naked streakers dare to parade their boobs and bums on the 'holy grass of German stadiums!'
Well at least we can look forward to something that brings joy, tears, anguish, pissed footy fans in unity, national hymn singing (aaagh!), and eventual suicide when their beloved team gets booted out! And that is much more positive than Trump, Putin, Sunak, Farage, Kim Jong, and all the other political morons constantly grabbing the global tabloid headlines.
So guys, forget the Ukraine, Gaza, UK election, Trump never going to prison, and Biden's son neither, a freezing cold, wet and rainy summer in Northern Europe, Friday's for Future protests flimmering out like charred Amazon Forests, fifty-degree murderous heat in New Delhi, because footy is taking over the world's headlines for a month and let's all get pissed reading them!
The Tartan Army (dressed in drag) peacefully taking over Munich (not in a 'gay way') But always blowing their 'sacks' ! (They've got no chance against the Serbian Hooligan Army)
Serbian Hooligans practicing to become the pride and joy and 'nummer eins' in the Euro Hooligan League after kicking the crap out of their once feared English counterparts; I just cannot wait for the fun to begin!
Hee, ha, hee, hee, ha😹😹😹