Eurovision Trash Bash!

The annual feast of garbage-pop-music is about to descend upon the human race (as if it hasn't enough crap to deal with) called the Eurovision Song Contest!

European freaks, transgenders, wannabe pop superstars, and anybody that can dress outrageous enough to be chosen, all meet and hope that their rather 'pathetic' pop-music entertains millions watching this 'magical mystery (not tour, that would be an insult to the majestic Beatles) mumbo-jumbo!

It all started many years ago back in the swinging end of fifties/sixties when Euro pop-stars would sing their hearts out, in every Euro language possible, without outrageous costumes, hoping their songs hit the charts, and then become pop-legends all over Europe and the world!

A few hacked it no doubt, but the few I just counted on my one hand until, yes you guessed it, a Swedish group took the whole Eurovision Trash Bash to new heights, ABBA! (It was certainly not their Waterloo). It changed the whole thing because if ABBA can do it, so can any other group, singer too! (Oops, sorry, Abba had mega-talent, this other mob do not!)

So, what does the modern era of Eurovision Pop-Garbage have to offer? Men dressed as women with beards! Lesbians, transgenders, Gays, even heteros (do they still perform?) (at least it is a platform for total equality, which I do support, but their music stinks!) prancing all over the stage in shiny, glitzy, totally outrageous outfits hoping their appearance will hide their lack of ABBA-ism talent, win the 'Atrocity Exhibition' (apologies to real musicians, Joy Division, for plagiarising their wonderful song title) and join the four Swedes on a trip to pop-heaven (including platform-soled glitzy boots).

I do apologise for insulting most Eurovision participants, but let's be honest, the whole bamboozle means absolutely nothing apart from a few seconds of fame (not even Warhol's ten minutes)! And, after the freak show ends they all go back to their Euro nations as losers, apart from the winners who at least do a 'Warhol', hit Nr1 in their nation's pop charts, and that was it for another year (thank the heavens it only happens once a year!).

Seriously, even Johnny Rotten attempted to appear on the show (Fortunately he did not destroy my love of the Sex Pistols by standing on stage among the pop freaks!), and even Frankie Goes To Hollywood are attempting a mega-comeback appearing on Eurovision!

Whoever next? Wham, without George doing a revamp of 'Last Christmas!' Or Bowie's ghost singing 'Let's Dance!' (Please do me a favour!). Anyway, my TV will be anywhere apart from Liverpool (It never visits the place because United fans hate Liverpool FC anyway) and, without batting an eyelid, the event will end up in the garbage bins of low-level pop music until next year, or hope is eternal, ABBA is reincarnated!! LMBO!!

What the hell is he/she doing now?? He/She might have even gone incognito and had a shave because he/she certainly is no ABBA! (Thank the pop heavens! LOL)