Siberian scientists exploring the after sex-life of divorced/separated, black & white, wingless, waddling, (h)ornithological penguins, have made amazing discoveries regarding enormous weight losses occurred whilst wandering the ice-cold wastelands of Antarctica searching to satisfy their over-heated sexual drives.
After a period of non-sexual activity penguins became violent and agitated towards other "single" penguins thus burning calories during altercations, pecking each other’s pecker, fighting, and frequently masturbating in front of other very lonely Antarctic residents, human scientists.
The Siberian scientists decided to divulge their findings to a globally renowned nutritionist and self-acclaimed, masturbating satisfactorily, divorcee, Professor Fanny Dildo-Stiff, of German descent, to find out if their discoveries could be of use to that other lost, sad, black, and white, waddling, two-legged, wingless species, humans. She immediately copied their findings and wrote a blockbusting bestseller called:
FUCK ATKINSON, AND OTHER CRAP, WORTHLESS DIETS, JUST GET A DIVORCE!
The book sold faster than non-meat, greasy burgers flying over the counter at McDonald's and, at one particular outlet of super bookshop, W.H. Smiths in downtown Hartlepool, they sold quicker than Hong-Chin-Pooh could sell portions of his fatty, greasy, British specialty called "Fish, Made in Hongkong Chips," wrapped in the Hong Kong Daily Express, and drowned in vinegar to make his Brit punters feel more at home.
After reading the blockbuster, singles, divorcees, and those living in separation, have adopted a penguin lifestyle. They rant and rave at their ex-partners while singles rant at themselves in the mirror. On pick up the kids day, divorced, or separated dads and mums argue, throw missiles at each other, chase each other around the house f'ing and blinding while the very confused kids ignore their parents and prefer fiddling with their smartphones! A fantastic way to burn calories, penguin style!
Second phase stress situations like paying enormous amounts of dosh to divorce lawyers, masturbating two times daily, and running after every bit of available pussy, or dick, for short term satisfaction, enhance the Penguin Diet even further. Burning calories without going hungry is now easier than jogging in the park, cycling for miles, or paying fees to a fitness club! Just rant, rave, and constantly masturbate!
The days of laying on the sofa, getting the missus, or hubby, to bring in cans of lager whilst watching TV dressed in a vest and jog pants are over! No more daily bonking (you must be joking , I'm married!) and generally letting ones waistline increase because the hunting instincts of humans dies after getting hitched, apart from flirting with the neighbour's wife, or horny hubby!
This new lifestyle is here to stay! The results of singles, divorcees, and those living in separation attempting to lose weight have been beyond all expectations thanks too Professor Fanny Dildo's fabulous bestseller, a couple of horny rimmed Siberian scientists, and last not least, our fabulous wingless bird wonders, single, and incredibly sad (aah!) Penguins.
Guaranteed to lose weight, THE PENGUIN DIET, for singles, divorcees, and separated humans having aggro with their ex's and searching for a new bit of pussy, or dick!
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