Butler Jeeves & Sir Bertie Wooster, reincarnated by Jaggedone & plagiarised from P.G. Wodehouse!

Anno 2023 somewhere in the English countryside is a mansion called, Totleigh Towers. It does not exist, but it does now, literally speaking! Moreover, the ghosts of Butler Jeeves, and his aristocrat master, Bertie Wooster, still swirl around the stately home. Jaggedone, a fly on the wall, or cockroach residing inside their gold-rimmed bog, often listens in on the pair having chit-chats, not from the past because ghosts are immortal and, are actually quite up to date. So, without ado you bounders, this is what they have been chit-chatting about!

Bertie: "Jeeves ol bean, I heard that rascal, Johnson, has been up to his dastardly tricks again, and he even swore to God on The Bible that he had never lied in his life! Is that true?"

Jeeves: "Yes Sire, I also heard that the Bible used was also used when another PM, Liz Truss, was sworn in at the H of P, but it seems The Devil infiltrated the book and she was rather hastily relieved of her position by those devilish Conservative MP's who preferred one of their own to ruin our once proud nation! I do believe he is a multi-millionaire sire."

Bertie: "Good gracious Jeeves, what is the world coming to! Can't we slip over to his stately home and nip at some of his French champers, rather fine stuff old bean!"

Jeeves: "Sire, sadly not that is not possible as English politicians have been told not to touch any champagne coming from the EU, so they purchase the stuff from California, rather ghastly actually!"

Bertie: "Jeeves old chap, that is sacrilege, and why is French champagne now forbidden in England?"

Jeeves: "It's a Brexit thing Sire, ol Johnson certainly caused a rumpus among the aristocratic world when they realised they would have to drink that ghastly stuff from the US, but Russian beluga-caviar is still OK, I believe, as long as it enters via the back-door!"

Bertie: "Whatever next, is that scoundrel Putin up to his dastardly tricks?"

Jeeves: "I am afraid so sire, the rascal invaded Ukraine, and ever since the invasion everything Russian has been bedeviled!"

Bertie: "Whatever is this world coming too? I guess old Winston and Roosevelt were right when they said maybe we have slain the wrong devil at their meeting in Yalta, do you remember Jeeves ol bean? By the way is Yalta not in the Ukraine?"

Jeeves: "Yes sire, quite vividly, but Yalta is no longer part of the Ukraine, Putin took care of that historical error and annexed the lovely place so he can have a dashingly fine holiday there! And now poor old Lizzy has 'popped her clogs' we now have a king to represent us and soon he will be crowned, and I do believe poor old Putin will not be getting an invite!"

Bertie: "Is the new king that softy Charles and his ghastly horsey-looking, Camilla?"

Jeeves: "Unfortunately, yes sire, he is the next-in-line, and 'poor' old Prince Harry has not been invited either! I heard he has been crying his eyes out ever since he was told, he even had the audacity to write a multi-million best-seller about his sad life, poor chap!"

Bertie: "Did we get an invite Jeeves? Oops sorry, it slipped my mind we are now ghosts just like most royal families floating through their lives living off their subordinates tax revenues."

Jeeves: "Yes sire, someone has to foot the bill so we can all live in extreme luxury, and you sire can afford my exorbitant salary!"

Bertie: "By golly Jeeves, what would I do without you? Yes you are correct someone has to do the job and not everybody has our 'blue-blood' running through their veins. Thank the heavens for that, just imagine there was nobody to worship us royals and aristocrats, dead or alive!"

Jeeves: "Correct sire, and I really cannot see myself residing in an over-priced apartment in London owned by a multi-billionaire Sheikh or Russian oligarch!"

Bertie: "Are those Russian scoundrels still allowed to own half of London?"

Jeeves: "Yes sire, but nobody dares to say 'boo' to them just in case they are poisoned. And if King Charles fancies a holiday in one of their enormous yachts secretly moored in Monte Carlo after his stressful coronation,I am sure Putin, or the new PM will not mind!"

Bertie: "Jeeves old chap, it seems as though nothing ever changes in this world even though we are now ghosts and belong to the past, the rich, famous, royals, and aristocrats will always tower above the 'Little People' because they just love us!"

Jeeves: "You are correct sire, and where would I be without you!"