House of Commons 15.00PM, 12.01.2022: After having his 'lights punched out' with impunity by Labour leader Keir Starmer, and an indecipherable heathen from north of the border at PM Questions Time, UK PM rushed down to the catacombs of the 'House of Common Lies' in a desperate attempt to contact Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star political reporter, The Right Hon. Sir Reggie Scumbag-Sleazebag, king of political bullshit.
Boris Johnson desperately needed to unload his dastardly conscience after blatantly lying to the nation, and the only place possible, without being slaughtered by UK tabloids, UK broadsheets, BBC's Laura Kuenssberg, Sky News, among other hyenas and leaches, as long as they do not support the Conservative Conniving Party, his only place of redemption was Jaggedone's CIA because nobody reads his crap anyway!
Here in upper-lip Eton English is Johnson's exclusive interview with Sir Reggie Scumbag-Sleazbag:
"Now listen here Sir Reg, mumble, jumble, ol Bean, I apologised grovelingly with all of my crooked heart up there because I really was pissed out of my pea brain and could not differentiate between a booze-up, or a working party, that's the whole truth!"
"Sure (that's a word for lying in Hindi) Boris, Jaggedone understands and will support the fact you are full of lies, scandals, Brexit treachery, and any other misdemeanour you have practiced in your time as UK PM!"
"jeepers Sir Reg, ol Jaggedone is such a spiffing cad, mumble, jumble, I know that when this interview goes public, my conscience will be clear so I can bonk the missus again, and party while my fellow countrymen and women drop like flies from this damn virus!"
"Boris, do not fear, nobody reads Jaggedone's crap sleaze, only nutters like yourself, so feel quite free to lie and lie just like when you sit in a Catholic confession box and divulge to a 'bent' priest about your sins because they have more than enough sinners, and will offer silent, behind the cloak, religious solidarity!"
"By golly Sir Reg, mumble, jumble, you are like a guardian angel sent to save me from the gallows up above because they're a bunch of liars too, but not as good as me. A pack of ravaging wolves could not have ripped me apart better, the lying bounders!"
"Now Boris we have established that you lied, you cheated, and you 'fucked' the British public many times, is that true? If yes, Jaggedone has promised you an elevated position in his CIA hierarchy because he could not do it better, plus a book deal worth millions!"
"Well, that is a jolly fine 'tinker-poo' offer Sir Reg, this interview has just saved me from going completely bonkers ol bean, mumble, jumble, and now I can go back to Nr10 with a clear conscience and bonk the missus once again, burp!"
"Boris, are you pissed already, it's only 15.00PM?"
"Yes, Sir Reggie, burp, mumble, jumble, I just popped into the canteen on the way down for a quick swig with my fellow Conservative piss-artists, after all Sir Reggie we must keep our proud British traditions afloat, damn Europeans do it too, and now that awesome, expensive French wine is even more expensive thanks to Brexit, but who cares, burp, I'm the untouchable PM!"
"Well Boris, thanks for the interview, and Jaggedone will be around to Nr10 for a massive piss-up party during lockdown to celebrate your 'coming out' with the truth and nothing but the truth, grazie mille! And Bojo, do not worry because nobody reads this shit anyway!"
Boris dashingly dashed upstairs feeling totally free of a guilty conscience and rushed to Buckingham Palace to apologise to the Queen over a bottle of champers or three. Unfortunately Prince Andrew, Harry, Anne, and Charles and Camilla were too busy defending their sordid reputations to attend the royal bash!
Mumble, Mumble, Jumble, Jumble, Not Humble, Not Humble, Bumble, Bumble, Crumble, Crumble! Nobody understands him anyway because it's all fucking lies!
Boris Johnson leading from his elevated position shows the UK the way forward! "Always tell the truth and nothing but the truth," is his motto and his lies levitate above the law! A truly 'Spitting Image!'
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