Astronauts Returning To Planet Earth Cannot 'Get It Hard!'

Scientists at NASA have been confronted by a problem which nobody could have foreseen because it's a 'hard' life becoming an astronaut, but it can turn 'soft after they return to planet earth! Male astronauts have discovered that after returning to earth's surface their favourite 'play thing' becomes as soft as a Dali egg and nothing that their wives can do can get their hubbies 'ding-dong' orbiting again.

One NASA scientist, Herr Willhelm Schatnerd (he's German and no relation to Captain Kirk) told CNN after they discovered this rather weird occurrence attempted to explain what could happen after weeks of weightlessness to astronauts willies.

"We at NASA believe that peeing into a plastic tube while hovering around the spacecraft has caused enormous stress especially if the astronauts fail to stick their 'dickies' into the plastic tube and their pee flies around the ship with their colleagues attempting to avoid a 'golden shower!' It is a terribly stressful part of being an astronaut, and for female astronauts it can be even worse because if they miss the 'potty' it is most embarrassing especially in such an enclosed environment, plus the fact there is no viagra on board!"

This is one scientific explanation for an astronaut's non-erecting-dick, but one astronaut interviewed by Time Magazine has come up with a different theory. Infamous astronaut, Buzz Baldron, told Times Mag, "well ever since I come back to earth after spending 3 months in a 'tiny tin can' floating around the planet bored to tears, dressed in this tight damned tight space-suit and attempting to relieve myself in a weightless environment with a copy of Hustler in one hand, it was impossible to get my 'tool' upright, and after several attempts, it just gave up and so did I! This obviously had a long-term effect on me and now my 'dick' refuses to defy gravity and 'raise itself from the dead!'

So, budding astronauts make sure you leave your wife pregnant before shooting to the stars because when you get back the missus might leave you and go for a more 'down to earth' stud who works on a building site!

As Frank Sinatra once sung: "Fly me to the Moon Together" before I need a shot of viagra when returning to earth! A non-NASA-scientific solution!